Released: March 9, 2019
any affection
mass recognition
i don't fit in
thinking about everything and what I didn't
The writer appears to be convinced he is undeserving of affection and does not want to be given attention or be noticed or recognized.
Understanding that he is fundamentally unloveable, he blames himself for what he did and may continue to do to the intended listener. And even though he understands she's gone at this point, he is more than eager, still waiting in the background.
But during all the time he waits, he'll question everything. He'll recognize the misalignment between the things she said, the things she did, and the ways she made him feel.
It goes deeper. He acknowledges that none of this matters. What is the point in saying any of this?